


The Itch You Mustn't Scratch

by mckennie2



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cutting, Depression, F/M, Self-Harm, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 12:34:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12132612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mckennie2/pseuds/mckennie2
Summary: WARNING: TRIGGERS PLEASE READ TAGS BEFORE ENTERINGDean and Sam go on a hunt, leaving Y/N to go crazy with cabin fever. Y/N takes drastic measures to mute the pain. Dean isn't happy.





	The Itch You Mustn't Scratch

You were having a bad day, a bad week even. The boys were on a vampire hunt in North Carolina and you were stuck in the bunker. You had started your period the day the boys left. As soon as you went into the bathroom and saw the blood you knew Dean wouldn’t let you go on the hunt. Normally you wouldn’t care, but you were going insane trapped in this bunker. You needed to stay active to provide a distraction for your wandering mind. 

The boys had left 2 days ago and you have run out of chores to distract yourself. Dean sure would be happy when he came home. You managed to do all the laundry, clean, empty and restock the kitchen, you washed all the cars and bikes in the garage, clean all the guns, the bathroom has been bleached and also restocked. The largest project you took on while your boys were off killing monsters, was organizing the library. 

Now that all the chores are done, you have been looking for another big project and haven’t had any luck. With nothing to distract you, your mind started to wander to all the bad things you have done. Everyone you couldn’t save, your family, how bad you look naked, all the things that haunt you at night. After examining your body in the mirror, you decide to go to the home gym. You spend 2 hours in the gym, but still feel horrible.

A hot shower sounded like a great idea after the time spent at the gym. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. The hot shower brings out those terrible thoughts again and to make matters worse, Dean’s razor is right there calling out to you. You promised Dean months ago that you would quit hurting yourself and him in the process. You tried to think of how Dean would react if he found out you cut yourself again and the thought stalled you, for now.

The next day after a restless sleep, you are sitting in the kitchen when the itch to cut comes forward again. You call Sam to make sure they aren’t coming home today before going to the store and getting a brand-new razor. You wanted to cut yourself, not get infected. You start the water and wait for it to get hot as you strip away your pajamas. 

Stepping into the boiling hot shower should have you screaming in pain from the heat but you can’t even feel it. The only thing you can feel is razor running across your flesh and burning that accompanies it. A ragged breath is released from your body as you let the pain consume you. The freeing pain that the razor brings feels like a blessing but to outsiders looks like a curse. As you relish in the release of stress, you watch your blood go down the drain with the water. 

As the feeling subsides you pick yourself up from the shower floor and begin to clean up. Grabbing the first aid kit you brought to the bathroom you clean the wound and wrap it up. After double checking that the wound is set, you bleach the shower floor and the razor. You then wrap the razor in some gauze and tape it to the bottom of the bathroom cabinet. 

You repeat this process one more time before the boys get home. You are sitting at the war table, eating leftovers when you hear the purr of Baby’s engine as Dean drives her into the garage. You jump up and run to meet them, making sure your bandage is covered before you open the garage door. The exhaustion can be seen clear as day on their faces but they both smile at you. Dean opens his arms wide, inviting you to run into them. The happiness pouring from both of them can only mean that the hunt went as well as it could’ve.   
It was good to see both of them so happy. The first time anyone speaks is when they start bringing in their bags.

“Are you guys hungry? Can I get you anything? Do you need the first aid kit?” You say in a mothering tone

“Calm down mother hen,” Dean says laughing, “We already ate and dressed our wounds. We only need showers and probably a couple a beers.”

You blush at Dean’s words, but nonetheless, you take their bags and send them off to get clean. You are in the laundry room putting their clothes in the wash when you hear the first shout of your name. It isn’t until you hear the second shout that you hear the pain and anger in it. Knowing what the shout is about, you rush to lock the door, but Dean has beaten you to it. You take a couple steps back as you see the razor in his hand.

“Y/N what was this doing taped to the bottom of the bathroom cabinet?” Dean says, worry filling his voice.

You don’t respond. The floor is suddenly very interesting.

“Y/N answer me! And look at me when you do!” Dean shouts.

You slowly look up and meet his pain filled eyes with your tear-filled ones.

“I used it to cut myself yesterday and the day before,” You say shaking.

Dean chokes back a sob before he grabs you. He pulls you tightly against him. 

“I thought you told me that you would stop and that you would talk to me if it ever got this bad again?” He whispers into your hair.

“I stopped myself from doing it for a day before I snapped. And I wanted to call you but you were busy with a case and I didn’t want to burden you.” You whisper back.

Dean pulls back to look in your eyes. “Baby you could never bother me. Don’t you ever think that. You and Sammy are the most important things in my life and I need both of you.”  
As Dean says this you start to cry. He pulls you tighter against him and you hold each other as you cry.

“Now this is what we are going to do. Sam can finish the laundry after he showers. You and I are going to get a couple of beers and go talk in our room. You need to talk about all the things you were trying to escape and I need to tell you how much I love you and compliment you on how amazing the bunker looks” He says with a small smile.

Dean picks you up and carries you out of the laundry room and to your shared room, but not before stopping to tell Sam to do the laundry.


End file.
